Desperately
by Rose Rain
Summary: Takes place after Losing My Religion. coupling: MerDer Prestina Lexzie. Mostly MD, involves others too. R&R...tell me if it sucks. T just in case. Also, someone will be pregnant that isn't Addison because for some reason I like that storyline.
1. And when you start admitting

**Hello! Well, this is my first Grey's fic. My name is Jessica. I roleplay Cristina. And there's not much else to it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, well let's just say it wouldn't have its appeal. Just a LITTLE different.**

**-------------**

When we are growing up, we always know what we want. Whether it is the shiny new bike in the shop window down the street, or a big ice cream sundae to eat for dinner. However, as we get older, we being to realize things are not always black and white. There tends to be a gray area. We know what we tell ourselves we want, but then comes what we really want, deep down inside. But when it comes down to it, eventually, you're going to have to choose which one you follow.

Meredith ran. Down the hall, down the stairs, and out the door. Across the parking lot to where her car was parked. She unlocked the door and jumped in. Put the key in the ignition, shift gears, back out and drive away. She tried the best she could not to feel anything at the moment. Gave it her all not to thing about the two men she had left standing there, minutes before. She would think and feel later. Now was for running.

**--------------**

"I am such an idiot." Meredith sighed into the phone. She had called Cristina in one of her many moments of despair. She had started to think about the evening again, which was probably not a good thing. About Finn, and his plans, about Derek, and his failing marriage, about her missing black panties, and about Izzie, whose heart-wrenching sobs could be heard from her bedroom, where she lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling, a complete and total mess.

"And when did you manage to reach this conclusion?" Cristina's voice came from the other end. She hadn't meant to bother Cristina, who she knew was staying at the hospital with Burke. But she had really needed someone to talk to. Someone to _vent_ to.

"I just am, it's a fact." Meredith stated. She really needed someone to talk to right now. No. She really needed to talk to Cristina. In person. Meredith sighed and sobbed some more. Her stomach churned and her nausea became more intense. "Listen, I know you're with Burke, I totally understand that you need to be with him right now, but if you somehow manage to find the time, could you come over? I very much need you to be my person right now. I need a person. And everyone else is busy being Izzie person."

This was true. Meredith had been Cristina's person. And although she may not have been the best at being someone's person, she needed the favor returned right now more than ever. She was broken again, and until she figured out how to put the pieces together this times, she needed someone to talk to. Needed, wanted. Sometimes the two could be very similar.

Cristina giggled slightly. "Well since I'm feeling rather supportive and human-like right now, I'll see you in a bit. Bye." The phone clicked signaling that Cristina had hung up. Meredith bit her lower lip and fought back the tears. Her efforts were futile.

**--------------**

Cristina snapped her cell phone shut and stepped back inside Burke's room. This whole time, she had kept telling herself that she could do this. Deep down she knew she wanted to be there for Burke, and she would. Because she could now. Because she was Cristina Yang. Because she was _human._

"I have to go for a little while." She said softly to Burke. Her friend needed her. Her _best friend_ needed her. She was Meredith's person. She could do this now. "Meredith needs me. I'll come back in the morning. I promise." And she would. She loved Burke, and she was human.

**--------------**

Meredith continued to allow the tears to roll down her cheeks. Life wasn't supposed to be this hard. She couldn't say she was very fond of her life at the moment, not that there was much of it to be fond of. She knew she was going to have to choose between Derek and Finn. Soon. And it would be probably the hardest decision she'd ever make. Her heart screamed Derek, while her head screamed Finn. It was an everlasting battle. She felt tired and confused. Everything was happening so fast. She lay in the same place, staring at the ceiling, still, until her bedroom door opened and Cristina came in. Meredith sat up and muttered a faint "Hey."

"What's wrong?" Cristina blatantly asked. She wasn't at the point where she was going to dance around the subject forever. If she was going to play the part of the supportive friend, she needed to know what was wrong now.

Meredith didn't delay. "Finn has plans, for us. He said when his wife died he stopped making plans. And now he's making them again. And they involve me." Meredith began crying freely. Cristina looked as though she was about to speak, but Meredith continued. "And I didn't freak out. And Derek was looking at me. So I went to an exam room, and he followed me. And we were yelling, and he kissed me. And we had SEX. And now I can't find my panties!" She began sobbing uncontrollably.

"Oh my god! You had sex with Derek in the hospital?" Meredith opened her mouth to speak, but Cristina quieted her and explained. "Don't answer that, I was just having an Izzie moment."

Meredith sighed. She needed an Izzie, but she needed a Cristina more right now. She didn't know what to do at the time being, but Cristina would. Cristina always did. "And now Derek is going to leave Addison. I know he is. And I can't think. I need to be able to think! And I can't think. I can't breathe with him looking at me!"

**--------------**

Derek stood rooted to the spot. He couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think about anything but Meredith and how she had ran away. He turned his head and shot Finn a glare. This was all Finn's fault. If he had just left Meredith alone, if he hadn't kept after her and looked past all of her scary damage, none of this ever would've happened.

Derek was in love with Meredith. She was the love of his life. He had known this for a while, and so had Addison. Addison came up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. "We need to talk." She whispered. It had only been a matter of time. And they left Finn standing there, totally oblivious to the mess he had so blatantly walked into.

**--------------**

"Well, we definitely need to talk." Addison repeated. "You love Meredith. I'm not stupid. I never have been, and never will be. I'm tired of being the villain, the one everyone hates because I'm keeping you apart."

Derek started to speak, his face straight, his eyes icy. "I have for a long time. And I know, Addy, I know. We've been over for a while. We've been over since Mark. Not legally or officially, but over. It was just a matter of time. We both knew it."

Addison eyes filled with tears. "You love Meredith…so that's it…this is over…" she still hadn't quite accepted the reality that her marriage was ending, and there was nothing she could do to save it.

"I need to tell you something. At the prom, when I was gone, I was with Meredith. I slept with her. I cheated. I'm no better than you. In fact, I'm a hell of a lot worse." His head hung so that he was facing the floor.

Addison felt her heart break even more. And anger, white hot anger. "We'll you're sure as hell right about that. What, did you think that would make me feel better? Make me feel like less of an adulteress bitch? Make me feel like we were on the same level here? Well, you were wrong. I still can't understand why you insist on hurting me over and over again. I hope you rot in hell Derek Shepherd!" And with that, she packed her bags, and that night, Addison Shepherd, or Montgomery rather, flew back to New York, and away from the man who had hurt her so badly.

**--------------**

Meredith and Cristina still sat in the same spots, still looking at each other, trying to take everything in. Cristina still hadn't spewed out any Cristina-ish advice. She hadn't made a single sarcastic comment. Meredith was starting to worry. "Please Cristina." Meredith cried. "What do you think I should do? What would you do if you were me? Ignore the fact that you wouldn't be, and help me! Please!" She continued sobbing.

Cristina was torn. If she was still the in compassionate person she once was, she would have told Meredith to screw them both, she was a surgeon and that was all she needed. But not anymore. She wanted nothing more than to tell Meredith to go with Finn, so she would never see her hurt again, but she could do neither of those.

"I can't tell you what you should do, only you can decide that. Bur I can tell you what I believe will make you happiest. The last time I ever saw you truly happy, was when you were with Derek. I know he hurt you, and he is a complete ass for that. But follow your heart. Life is too short not to."

**And that's it for now. Does it suck? Please tell me if I'm wasting my time.**

**Also, if anyone has any suggestions as to what they want to happen, tell me.**

**AND REVIEW**

**Thanks a bunch,**

**Rose Rain**


	2. I always knew

Okay, to answer all of your questions:

YES, this fic will be LEXZIE. This is, if you go on ABC boards, the president of MAD, pink. Of course it will be lexzie, I love them.

YES it is MerDer. Love them too.

Thanks to the people who reviewed! I wasn't even expecting half of the amount I got! Muah! Free cookies for you all!

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy, or any of its characters.

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Alex awoke the next morning, his arms still around a peacefully sleeping Izzie. The night before, he had held her as she had cried herself to sleep. Alex hated seeing her, Isobel Stevens, the woman he loved, like this. He hated seeing her so broken. Alex wrapped his arms tighter around Izzie as she began to stir. Izzie turned slightly, so she was facing him.

"Morning." He whispered gently.

She smiled, for a second, completely forgetting the events that had occurred the previous night. And then her face fell as the haunting memories returned. "Aren't you supposed to be at the hospital?" Izzie asked, her eyes filling up with tears once again, her voice shaky.

"Normally yes, but I have the day off today. You trying to get rid of me?" Alex grinned, in an attempt to get Izzie to smile back at him. Happy and perky, as she usually was.

"No just…wondering." Her stomach growled, She hadn't eaten anything since before the prom. Since before…she didn't want to think about Denny right now, she couldn't deal with that quite yet. So she focused on Alex. "Could you get me something to eat?"

Alex grabbed a pad of paper and a pen from the nightstand. For all he knew, this could be a damn long list of sympathy foods. "What do you want?"

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George's hands were practically glued to the steering wheel. It felt as though if he tightened his grip any more, his arms would fall off. He glanced at Meredith, who was sitting in the seat on the passenger's side, and then back at Cristina, who had slept on their couch the night before.

"George, lighten up before you get us all killed." Cristina said from the backseat.

"Sorry." George muttered, loosening his grip on the steering wheel slightly.

When they were about five minutes away from the hospital, Meredith's cell phone started ringing.

"Hello? Meredith sighed as she flipped open her phone.

It was Finn. "Hey! Where were you last night?" She had dreaded this conversation for a while now, but it had been bound to come up eventually.

"Long story. I'll tell you all about it later. I'll stop by your place around 6 okay? Bye." She didn't wait for a response, but hung up quickly to avoid any further interrogation.

"Gonna break it off with McVet?" Cristina asked.

"Do I really have a choice?"

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Meredith stood at the nurses station, looking over charts of patients she had rounded on. Derek walked quickly up to her, so there was less of a chance she could slip away before he could get to her. "We need to talk." He repeated the same words Addison had said to him, right before the argument that had ended in her leaving, after signing the divorce papers. He had signed an brought them to an attorney that morning.

"Now?" Meredith asked. She looked around at all of the people in the hallway.

"Well, not here." Derek grabbed Meredith by the wrist and they made their way down the hall, towards the elevators. He hit the button, and once the elevator arrived on the floor they stepped inside. Derek pulled the emergency stop button once the doors closed. This could take a while.

"What does this mean?" Derek asked. He seemed to like that question a lot lately.

"What do you want from me Derek? You chose Addison over me, and I was with Finn. So what do you want? You know what it means, it means we both cheated. We're both horrible people."

"Was?" Derek asked. "You said 'I was with Finn.'. Also, you should know, I divorced Addison. We're done."

Meredith sighed. Derek was expecting her to choose him now. "I'm going to break it off with him. It's not fair to either of us to keep building a relationship on a lie. It's not fair to lead him on when I'm in love with someone else. A decent person wouldn't do that." Meredith snapped icily.

"Right."

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At 6:15, Meredith pulled up in front of Finn's house. George had taken his car, which he had left behind when he went home with Izzie and Alex. Meredith didn't much like the idea of breaking up with Finn, and ruining all of his plans, but she had to do it. And it had to happen tonight.

Meredith trotted up the path and rang the doorbell. Fin answered immediately, almost as if he had been waiting by the door for her. He tried to kiss her on the cheek, but she stepped inside and turned to face him. "We need to talk." Meredith stated.

"Ah, the famous break-up words. What's the reason?"

"I haven't been fair to you Finn, and I'm not going to lie. I'm in love, Finn, with Derek. And you and your plans, it's more than I deserve. So this is goodbye. You're better off without someone like me. I'm just way too scary and damaged."

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Alex watched Izzie as she bustled around the kitchen, mixing ingredients, pouring batters into pans and rolling dough into balls and spreading them out on cookie sheets. And then sticking them into the oven. She knew all of the recipes be heart. He didn't dare speak, as he was too afraid he would upset her. And the last thing he wanted to do was upset the woman he loved. He had already done so too many times.

After two hours, Izzie had baked enough to feed an entire third world country.

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Meredith just drove. She didn't quite know where she was going, she just drove. Eventually, she ended up somewhere she was quite familiar with. Somewhere she had been many times before. But for some reason, it seemed different this time. More…empty. Addison and Derek were divorced now. Which was to Meredith, as she had predicted, quite relieving. And she knew what she wanted.

Meredith jogged up to the trailer and tapped on the door a few times. Derek came to the door a moment later. He looked surprised to see her there, as though he had half expected her to never want to see his face again. "Meredith? What are…I thought…Why…" he tripped over the words.

"Shut the hell up!" He anticipated her to start calling him every name she could think of. Instead, she totally stunned him, and kissed him square on the lips. They stumbled into the trailer, lips still locked. And after several minutes of heated, passionate kisses, they pulled apart.

"Meredith, do you…does this mean…are we back together?"

"Yes. I…I may not be able to control how I feel about you, but there's some things we need established. I left the good guy, the sage guy. I very much need a safe guy right now, which you really haven't shown to be in the past few months. So if you want to be part of my life, you have to be my safe guy. No more secrets, and no more lies. Because at the time being, you have lost my trust. And you're going to have to earn it back. You have to promise, promise me you'll never hurt me that way again. Never break my heart again."

Derek gazed directly into meredith's eyes and responded. "I, Derek Shepherd, promise to never hurt you, Meredith Grey, ever again. Unless I die, that's not my fault."

Meredith reached out and slapped him across the face. "Don't you ever say that! You see, that's part of the problem. You can't talk like that, think like that. Ever!"

"Alright." Derek wrapped his arms around Meredith, and they sat there on that bench for a while. Until they both got tired and went to lay down in bed. Under the warm covers, Derek slid his arms around Meredith's slender waist and held her close. And he wasn't ever letting her go again.

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Izzie's eyes fluttered open in the darkness. She could feel Alex's strong arms around her waist. And she felt safe. She was completely devastated over the death of Denny. The colors of the world seemed to have faded, the grass didn't seem quite as green. The goods she baked seemed to have lost their taste. She was broken, in the worst possible way.

But Alex was there. It felt good to have him there, to hold her while she cried each night. To take care of her. She needed a strong man who loved her, and that' s just what Alex was. She felt warmer when he was there with her.

She was heartbroken. And so she had dropped out of the program, in mourning. Her friends would giver her hell. And she wanted them to. She would go back, after a few weeks, she had reached this conclusion that morning. She would not tell a soul, she wanted support, and hell, she wanted them to give her hell.

She would not let this ruin her life. For one reason and one reason alone. _Denny wouldn't want her to. _He wouldn't want her to ruin herself grieving. And so she wouldn't let it ruin her. It was just something she had to do, for Denny.

Upon the request of his family, there was to be no funeral. He was just going to be cremated immediately. His ashes, they had decided, would go to Izzie. His fiancé, and the woman he had loved more than life itself.

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SO REVIEW! I love review. Plus, the more reviews I get, the sooner I'll update. And by the way, someone's pregnant. I'll never tell who. Even though it's probably obvious.

Goodnight.

Rose.


	3. Just a little complicated

Hey! Sorry it took me a forever and a half to update, I was busy. But I will update at least twice more this weekend. Also, this chapter involves a lot of pregnancy talk, and I'm not sure exactly how the timeline works, but gave it my best guess. So anyway, on with the story…oh and this chapter has MERDER, LEXZIE and PRESTINA. YAYY!

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Meredith rolled over as she awoke that rainy Tuesday morning. She smiled and looked over at Derek, who was still sleeping peacefully, his arms locked around her waist. Meredith continued to smile and leaned back into him. She thought back to that moment, a week ago, when Derek had told her he loved her. She had smiled broadly, and said it back. Felt it back.

Meredith was glad that Izzie had started acting more like Izzie again over the past two weeks. She had a feeling it might have something to do with Alex practically worshipping the ground that Isobel Stevens walked on. Meredith was well aware that Izzie and Alex had started dating again, which meant they had probably picked back up on their linen closet activities.

Starting to feel slightly uncomfortable, Meredith very gently slipped out of Derek's arms and replaced herself with a pillow, so she wouldn't wake him up. She scooted off the edge of the bed, and unsteadily pushed herself up. A sudden wave of nausea swept over her. Meredith ran down the hall to the bathroom, where a distressed Izzie was already bent over the toilet.

Meredith, not quite knowing what to do, turned and vomited in the bath tub. Izzie turned around, wiping her mouth.

"You too?" Izzie asked shakily. "Well, I can share." Izzie shifted over to one side of the toilet, to make room for Meredith.

Meredith pushed herself off the side of the bath tub, and staggered over to the free end of the toilet. Meredith and Izzie took turns throwing up.

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Alex wandered down the hall, dressed only in his pants (**Looking quite sexy, I must say…teehee.) ** and stopped when he heard the voices of Izzie and Meredith coming from behind the bathroom door.

"Move over. It's my turn." Alex smiled when he heard Izzie's voice.

"Fighting over the mirror?" Alex asked, smirking, as he leaned his head closer to the closed door. Alex's face fell to a quizzical frown, when he heard the sound of gagging emerge, rather than protests of 'You had longer than I did.'

Alex opened the door to find Izzie and Meredith on their knees in front of the toilet, throwing up. Alex's immediate reaction was to rush to Izzie's side, hold her hair back and rub her back. As he put his arm around her and wiped her forehead, he glanced over at Meredith, who didn't look quite so good either. Alex continued rubbing Izzie's back and called out. "Shepherd! Get in here!"

A few moments later, Derek appeared, rubbing his eyes. "What's going…oh." He rushed over to Meredith, and began the same routine as Alex.

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Izzie and Meredith sat on a pull out bed in the living room, piled with pillows and blankets. Neither of them looked very happy. Alex and Derek bustled around them, constantly asking if they needed anything, if they were too hot, too cold, and pretty much everything else.

The door opened and Cristina waltzed in, looking royally pissed off. "Burke made me take the day off. Which is totally stupid. I feel fine."

"Really?" Meredith piped up, from under the blanket mountain. She shifted and began to get up. "Well, I have to go get ready."

Derek stopped her. "Lay back down. You're taking the day off. And so am I." Meredith opened her mouth to protest, but Alex interrupted.

"I am too. You guys are sick, so stay in bed, or I'll sing." Meredith lay back down without hesitation. "That's what I thought."

Burke snuck up behind Cristina, and without warning, picked her up and placed her in between Meredith and Izzie on the pull out.

"This is cruel and unusual punishment. Plus, what are they going to do with only one of Bailey's suck ups, and no neuro-surgeon?" Cristina pressed, in attempt to convince the men to allow tem to go to work.

"Well, I still have time off." Burke stated, flexing is now ninety-eight percent functioning right arm. "There are other neurologists, and there are other residents with suck ups of their own. Now I suggest you three relax and let us take care of you before Alex starts singing." To which, Alex and Derek nodded in agreement.

"Well since you put it that way," Izzie said, smirking. "How about some ice cream with crushed sour cream and onion potato chips?"

Burke, Alex, and Derek exchanged confused glances. "You want what?" Alex questioned, wondering if he had heard correctly.

"Oh! That sounds good!" Meredith agreed, clapping her hands together. She had been craving something both sweet and sour since she had stopped throwing up that morning.

Cristina's eyes widened slightly, and a worried expression spread across her face.

"Cristina, what's wrong?" Burke asked, becoming concerned.

Cristina slowly shook her head and turned back to where Alex, Burke, and Derek were standing, looking upon her, worried. "Do any of you know the date?"

"Uh, yeah it's the 24th." Alex replied, not quite understanding where this was going.

"Six weeks!" Izzie screamed, jumping up, causing the mountain of blankets and pillows to bury Meredith and Cristina, who shoved them off, onto the floor, and also got up. "This can't be happening. Not again." She panicked, as she paced back and forth across the living room. She thought back to when she was sixteen, the symptoms they had all been having the past two days were the same as hers had been twelve years ago.

"Well, we need to know. We shouldn't just assume the…err…worst." Meredith tried to reassure them, but at this point, they were far beyond being reassured that easily.

"Burke," Cristina said, walking over to him, and placing her hand on his shoulder. "I need you to run to the store…and get us some…" Cristina paused. She just couldn't bring herself to say it, so maybe someone else would. "Meredith, do you have any?"

Meredith rolled her eyes, knowing that Cristina wanted her to be the one to lay down this heavy topic. "Oh right. 'Cause you know, I keep pregnancy test in my medicine cabinet, just in case something just like this ever happens." Meredith sarcastically quipped.

Alex spit the coffee he was drinking out across the table. "PREGNANCY TESTS!"

Derek and Burke just stood there in shock, not quite believing what Meredith had just said. This was going to be one hell of a day.

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Alex entered the living room, carrying a bad from the pharmacy. "I got three boxes, just in case you wanna take more than one. I guess people tend to do that, to, you know, be sure." Alex tossed the bag onto the table, where Cristina, Derek, Izzie, Meredith, and Burke sat, all looking relatively anxious.

"Well, I guess we should…go take them." Izzie muttered, her face expressionless. She had a feeling that if she was, in fact, pregnant, or even if just one of them was, as though she would slip up, and reveal her long-kept secret. About her Sarah, and their Hannah. She wasn't sure if she was ready for anyone to know. She wasn't sure if she was ready to be pregnant again either. But if she was, she would be strong. She was older and wiser now, and had a much better support group. And she had Alex, who she knew loved her. And she thought, just maybe, she just might love him back. But she still didn't believe she was ready to have his baby.

"Well, one of us will have to go first. There's only one bathroom right now…the others need repairs." Meredith said softly, her expression similar to Izzie's. Meredith was in love with Derek, and he loved her back. But still, she was an intern, she was still learning. She didn't know if her career could handle the impact of having a baby, or vice versa. But if she was, at least she had Derek to help her get through this. Wait, what was she thinking? She didn't even know if she was pregnant yet.

"Yeah…I don't want to go first." Cristina said, her eyes filling with tears. She couldn't be pregnant. Sure, her motherly skills probably improved after the whole Burke situation, and hormones would help, but she was scared. Scared about her last pregnancy, What if the same thing happened again? What if she lost her other fallopian tube and could never have kids? Sure, before she would never have though she would ever want to be a mother, but she had also never thought she would fall in love. And she had done just that. She loved Burke, and eventually wanted a family with him, when the time was right, even thought she was positively terrified to admit it. But now?

"I guess I will." Izzie said, getting up and heading towards the bathroom. She supposed she had less to be afraid of. She had been through an entire pregnancy before, where as Meredith had never been pregnant, and Cristina had lost a baby. Izzie paused and turned back to face them all. Alex looked concerned, which made Izzie feel slightly better. "Wait, I'll take all three of mine, but I'm not going to look at them. I'll just stick them back in the box. And we'll read them together." All of them nodded. Cristina and Meredith looked relieved.

Izzie came down a few minutes later, clutching the box. Cristina went up after her, and Meredith followed soon after. All six of them sat around the table, anxious to know the results.

"Okay, let's open them." Meredith said, butterflies forming in the pit of her stomach. The three women began opening the boxes.

TO BE CONTINUED.

Thought I'd leave you with a cliff hanger there. Will update Friday or Saturday, depends on the amount of reviews.

Tata for now, Rose.


	4. Make Damn Sure

Hey! So sorry it took me an entire week to update, but I hade a HUGE project to do. I actually wrote this yesterday, but I got the sudden urge to go watch RENT and then read 'Salem's Lot, so I didn't have time to post it.

This chapter is named after the song, Make Damn Sure, by Taking Back Sunday. Well actually, only two lines of the song. But oh well. _You start shaking at the thought _

_That you are everything I want_

'_Cause you are everything I'm not._

And I positively promise to update by Tuesday of next week AT THE LATEST.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Oh and no reading ahead! Read the entire chapter, or I will hunt you down! I have my sources/evil psychic powers. Oh wait, did I say that out loud? I mean, I will be greatly disappointed.

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_The three women began opening the boxes._

Cristina glanced down at her test results, not quite sure if this was the answer she had really wanted. "This isn't good." She gasped, thousands of thoughts running through her mind.

"Neither is this." Izzie muttered, wide-eyed, as she too stared at the pregnancy test she clutched in her shaking hands. What did this mean, exactly? She guesses she already knew the results Cristina had received, judging by her tone of voice. But then again, Cristina could be quite hard to read.

"Well, can't say mine are any better." Meredith stated, her face emotionless. What _did _this mean? She wasn't quite positive she knew what Izzie and Cristina were thinking. As a matter of fact, she wasn't even sure what she, Meredith Grey, was thinking at the time being. "So…um, what did you guys get?" Meredith questioned, her expression still just as blank.

"Three negatives." Cristina said, slapping the tests onto the table, as if they were playing cards and she did not yet know whether she had won or lost. Looking around, Cristina noticed the five confused faces staring back at her. "Well, it's not good. I haven't had a period in six weeks, I've been throwing up, and I'm not pregnant. The signs don't point to rainbows and sunshine." They all still looked at her the same way as before. "What?" She looked to Burke in desperation, who tried to hide his great disappointment. Cristina noticed, and quickly added "But I should get a blood test anyway, you know, just in case."

"What did you get?" Meredith asked Izzie, starting to appear slightly uncomfortable.

"Two negatives and one positive. I'm with you there, Cristina." Izzie's eyes welled up with tears. What if she was pregnant? What if she wasn't, then what was wrong with her? This entire day had become one giant blur. A giant possibly life-changing blur. "And you?" Izzie hastened, wanting to take the attention away from herself. She looked to her right, where Alex sat, wearing the same concerned look as before.

Meredith took one last look at the tests, to make sure she had read them right. She too, looked to Derek, hoping to find just what he was thinking. She accomplished no such thing. Here went nothing…or everything. "Three positives." Everyone at the table gasped. Meredith shut her eyes tightly, not wanting to face the thousands of words hid behind their eyes. She felt Derek's arms wrap around her, pulling her into him. She laid her head on his shoulder, and began silently sobbing.

"We should still get blood tests done, make doctor's appointments, just to be…sure." Cristina repeated, not quite knowing how to comfort her best friend, who was lost, and confused. Cristina wanted to say something supportive, but what was there to say? So she just watched, as Meredith sat, embraced by the man she loved, and had for so long.

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Cristina shifted nervously, as she sat in the uncomfortable waiting room chair. Izzie was currently in the exam room, for her appointment. All three of them had made consecutive appointments at the same clinic, so they would receive their results around the same time.

Meredith sat in Derek's lap, his arms still entwined around her waist. Every time he tried to move, she would stop him. Se felt safer with his arms around her. And he wasn't going anywhere. Burke sat next to Cristina, his hand firmly grasping hers. Alex was across the waiting room from them. The clinic had requested that he wait outside, they had some sort of policy. Patients had to go in by themselves. It was quite ridiculous, actually, but it was the rule.

"There's no way all three of us are pregnant, right?" Cristina asked, directed towards herself more than anyone else.

Alex decided this was a good opportunity to break the awkward silence that had taken over the small, cramped waiting room. "Well, this isn't the twilight zone. Do do do do, do do do do." Alex smiled when he saw the four others giggle slightly. He tilted his head back and stared up at the flickering fluorescent lights. What if Izzie was pregnant? What if Isobel Stevens, the woman he loved, was carrying his baby? He had to find some way to distract himself from all of the what ifs, and stop thinking about what he needs to do. He needed to think of Izzie right now, and what she needed. Alex jumped as the door swung open, and Izzie emerged, her hand rubbing the spot where the blood had been drawn.

An annoyed looking woman poked her head out, and half shouted "Cristina Yang!"

Cristina rose from her hard, blue chair and released her grip on Burke's hand as she entered the exam room.

Izzie took a place next to Alex, and they all continued to wait. Somewhere around twenty minutes later, Cristina re-entered the waiting room, and Meredith went in for her appointment.

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"Well, maybe we should just…go home." Burke suggested to Cristina, and the rest of them. They were back at Meredith's house now, where they had agreed to all wait for calls, bearing their results, together.

"No." Izzie demanded. "We all agreed to wait her together, until we all get our result calls." Burke backed off, and dropped his coat back onto the couch.

Cristina jumped as her cell phone began ringing. She hopped up of the sofa, jerked it out of her pocket, and flung it open so fast it was a wonder the top didn't snap right off. Hello?" she answered. "Alright. Yes, I understand. Thank you." Cristina snapped the phone shut, and put her hand on Burke's shoulder. "Nothing's wrong, but I'm not pregnant. Not right now." She said, looking him straight in the eye. Burke nodded, understanding the point Cristina was trying to get across to him.

A few minutes of silence. Meredith's house phone began ringing. Meredith and Izzie dashed for the phone, but Izzie reached it first. "Hello?" Izzie answered. "Alright. Thanks, thank you." Izzie said into the phone, sounding like Cristina had a few minutes before. Anxious faces awaited her in the living room. "Alex." She gasped. Alex immediately ran over to her, wrapping his arms around her and rubbing her back. "I…wow, I didn't think I would…be quite this…hech… upset." Izzie sobbed, occasionally hiccupping.

Alex leaned back and looked into her eyes, a continuing look of concern still readable on his face. "Are you…pregnant?" Alex questioned. While it upset him that she was like this, he couldn't' quite understand why she would be upset if she wasn't pregnant.

"No, I'm not." Izzie continued sobbing. Alex squeezed her tightly, as she cried on his shoulder. But then again, he could be wrong.

At last, the phone rang for a second time. Meredith, who was still standing by it, picked it up mid-ring. "Hello?" Meredith's eyes widened as the woman on the other end delivered the news. "Thank you, very much. Bye." Meredith slowly dropped the phone back onto the receiver. And before she could stop herself, a huge grin spread across her face. She had completely forgotten about all of the possible complications, and allowed herself to become completely elated. She walked, or rather, floated back into the living room. Izzie and Alex were still embracing, completely unaware to Meredith and her huge grin. As were Cristina and Burke, whose eyes were still locked, containing the same knowing look.

Meredith grabbed Derek up out of his chair, and squeezed him tightly. As they pulled apart, she looked directly into his eyes. "Derek, I love you." She said breathlessly. Meredith took another deep breath, and looked yet again at Alex, Izzie, Burke, and Cristina.

"I love you too." Derek replied, looking back into Meredith's eyes, having a feeling he knew where this was going.

"I'm pregnant."

Alex and Izzie were obviously oblivious to the news, as they began kissing passionately, and headed upstairs. Cristina and Burke however, rose from the couch and joined them in their smiling festival.

Derek continued looking deep into Meredith's eyes, also grinning. He pulled her closer to him, and gently stroked her stomach, thinking about nothing other than the tiny life they had created, growing slowly inside her each day.

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Well, that's all you get for now.

Wasn't easy to write a dramatic part while listening to "Well Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow to blow off Auntie Em."

So I hope you liked it! Oh and by the way, you may think you know how this is going to turn out, but you don't. In case you haven't noticed, I don't write like other people.

Rose.


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